The Great Big Heavy

by Evelinn Trouble

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released January 1, 2013

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Evelinn Trouble Berlin, Germany

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Track Name: Vanish
Vanish

don't need your help to vanish
i was never who you knew
i've forgotten all about it too

drawing life lines straights as arrows
you stay where the warm winds blow
where my memory's dissolved
with the one of other headless souls

and each questioning reveals
wheter real or in my dreams
that i was never there with you
that i've forgotten all about it too

running over mountainchains
erase my traces on the way

from a long gone, knocked down wall
the one piece that can't help recall
all that made us drift apart
that is me without my scars
this is me without my scars
this is me a piece of wall

and i...
don't need your help to vanish
i was never who you knew
don't need your help to perish
i've forgotten all about it too

fighting with my memories
tales of how you had me weak
when my hate is at it's peak
then i am almost back to zero

and each questioning reveals
and they're only in my dreams
that we cannot go back to zero

don't need your help to vanish
i was never who you knew
don't need your help to perish
i've forgotten all about it too

running over mountain chains
erase my traces on the way
Track Name: Flowing
Wail along departed friend
in your arms and out again
we have reached another end
so reach out again

I'm swaying as if made of air
since i've waded out from here
a wave has come and swept all clear

yeah it's all clear

no surface that can keep me in
no anchor that will hold me down
no one to keep me from flying now
is there no one now?

i would storm in
"cannot be leaving here!"
but all is flowing
and all is possible again

pinned my hope on a new face
oh so vain and out of place
just an illusion supposed to keep me safe
yeah i am saved

I would always cling
as if the truth was a belonging of mine
close my eyes and my desires in
as if the infinite could be made into size
yeah i would hold it all in
but of course the wave proved me right
'cause all is always flowing
and all is possible again

so wail along
wail along

i would strom in
„cannot be losing you...“
but all is flowing
and all is possible again
Track Name: Apocalypse Blues
and you're reading the bad news
trying to feel haunted
but the sun is shining through
underlines your countenance

and i'm going for a walk
and every downward step i'm taking
suits the dreamer i've become
now that there is no awakening

and i'm breathing the fresh air
because our forests aren't waning
and the paper that i read
is writhing on the pavement

so i'm invited just to talk
about the plans and fears inside me
but i am keeping my mouth shut
'cause i do not care what it's going to be

yeah she had pretty words for ugly truths
i just shrugged and let her continue
suits the dreamer i've become
and she'll be straightened out when she reads the news

yeah i'll keep collecting my debris
and i'll keep finding places for it
but the hopelessness in me
that is one thing that don't go unreported

yeah you have plans and you have counterparts
your future is state of the art
but your skull is shining through
and you can see me smiling in the dark

you walk pregnant with new life
the flood you're baby's facing
suits the swimmer that i am
when it comes to heavy changing

'cause my friend's are all knocked up
coming up with names for theirs
but my baby is insane
that's why it's been aborted
yeah i threw my love away
my baby is aborted
Track Name: China Made Love
When I was born
I was wrapped in you
I learned your language
When you thaugt me to
Oh how I felt young when I walked with you
not free but carefree
until I questioned you

I have questioned you
I have questioned you

And since my second birth
I have been watching you
And I have learned to focus
On what I cannot do
And what I cannot change
To be entwined with you
When I don't have your presence
Then I am free of clues

I am free
I am free
But I'm not free

Don't you know that I can't be
without your china made love
Don't you know that I can't be
without your china made love
Don't you know that I cannot be...

Now when you hurl at me
Your shirts and nails
Then I have your presence
Like a faceless stain
And my hope is lost
Can't be regained
This world is lost
And it can't be saved

And god's wrath never rained on me
Though I'm not all that I could be
And the sky never fell down on me
And that's as bad as it can be

Now I know just what I want to criticise
But when I use your language
I don't see eye to eye
And I am kept from speaking
Because i'm satisfied

I am satisfied, I am satisfied
Nothing to wish for now

Don't you know that I can't be
without your china made love
Don't you know that I can't be
without your china made love

without you

china made love
china made walls
china made war
china made heart
china made war
china made nails
china made war
china made art
Track Name: Flesh And Bone (Helpless Times)
flesh and bone
helpless sighs
i've always known
i would go wrong
so wrong

helpless times
have me tied
going down
with the earth i'm walking on

i went far to see
another side to my reality
to find what's left in me
and now my days are drained of aim
and i'm always last to leave
'cause i got no one in my company

no one above me
time on my side
the future bright
casting it's shadow over me

back on my own
it's been so long
it feels impossible
but i've always known
i would survive
without you here

went too far and i've reached
the end of our reality
went across the line
as if i could turn back time
thougt i would be at ease
once i retrieve what is the core of me
but now i'm always last to leave
'cause i got nothing in my company

you got me running
not coming back
you got me changing
i'm coming back

now that i'm lost
in a voided day to day
i did not know
i would be restless for so long
my aching bones
i'm really losing you
going wrong
but i'm still going on
Track Name: Promise To The Night
i made a promise to the night
and now i'm really trying to keep it
and actually it's easy
i simply don't inhale the breath of all exaggerated tales
but i'm the only one

so i get lonely
just al little bit lonely

the tears appear against my will
so i let god into my heart
but still it feels empty
i pour some ink into my skin
and swear to love and to forgive always

you let me down but it's alright
i leave you there with twinges by your side
and i'm sorry 'bout that
but i made a promise to the night
you can break yours but i'll keep mine
i'll keep it, i'll keep it, i'll keep it

Said i will

you say i'm weak i wish i was
but none and all of this is forever lost
so i don't bother at all
you say i'm weak i wish i was
but none and all of this is forever lost
so i don't bother at all

i don't bother


and at the moment i am crying
but it's just a state of mind soon over
and i'll be lonely all my life
but that is just a thought of mine soon overthougt
then i'll be singing all the time
while this is just a song of mine soon over
and i'll be lonely all my life
but that is just a little time soon over

it soon is over
Track Name: Magic Friends (Bonus Track)
to all my magic friends
it's going up again
you're all under my skin
it's growing back again

to all my magic friends
with your healing space in hand
if this healing ever has an end it's only thanks to you

i'm sorry for the worry that put you through but it wasn't me
the devil threw me on the tracks to help me get back on my feet
seems it takes a fire just to show me that my life's still in my hands
you wanted me to be inspired world here i am

it's tempting to explain
sudden changes in the open rain
sudden choices that will make
a black and white sky turn to grey
with destiny, enlightenment
laying cards and then believing in god again

but mind you i haven't changed
i believe in all my magic friends
only in my magic friends