Arbitrary Act

by Evelinn Trouble

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credits

released January 1, 2007

All songs written and performed by Evelinn Trouble
Mixed by Gregor Rosenberger

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Evelinn Trouble Berlin, Germany

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Track Name: You're Not Scared Of Losing Me
Skipping rope, did I dance out of line?
A false hope, but not this time
Peel off all the love I have left on my skin
I collect it for you
I let you in …

Still you’re not scared of losing me
(this is new to me)

You say i’m great and I believe you
I can even feel you sometimes
sometimes

Yet you ain’t got much vacant time
Not much space for me in your busy life
Feels like I have to stand in line
But it’s alright, it’s alright
Yeah it’s alright, it’s alright
It just might take me a while
Might take a while for me to understand

That you’re not scared of losing me
(you’re confusing me)

yeah
Not many gaps in your schedule do I fill those gaps
Or do I make them gradually smaller?
Am I just another appointment to you?
Is it in those gaps? you write your songs
Is it in those gaps? you take the chance to be lonely
Is it in those gaps? Is it in those gaps?
You take your time to long for me
Is it in those gaps?
Do you even long for me?

Is it in those gaps?
I’m not appointment.
Is it in those gaps?
I would like to fill them …

But you’re not scared of losing me
No you’re not scared of losing me
You say you’re scared of hurting me
But that I can’t believe
No that’s what you’re afraid of
No no no no
No you’re not scared of hurting me
You’re scared of hurting yourself
Scared of getting hurt yourself
And you’re not scared of losing me
You’re scared of getting lost yourself
Scared of losing yourself
Scared of getting lost yourself
In that case I can’t help
In that case this makes no sense
When you’re scared of losing yourself

So I better bring this to an end.
Track Name: Boarding Time
They say that love can cross a border
But I fall out of order
’cause I don’t hear from you

They say that it will soon get over
«Time heals wounds, don’t go there.»
But they don’t understand

That I’ve never loved a man, the way I fell for you
I’ve never come to understand
Why it had to be you
I never felt again, what I felt near you
Until this very day I think of you

They say, they know just how I’m feeling
Their voices so revealing
They don’t have a clue

So dry, where’s that passion in their sighs?
Oh I think they tell me lies
’cause how could they’ve survived?
How did they survive?
How will I survive?
Without you

Never loved a man, the way I fell for you
I’ve never come to understand
Why it had to be you
I never felt again, the way I felt near you
Until this very day I think of you
I long for you

Get struck by memories full of details like rays of sunlight
Tiny illusion of a desperation, feelings I can’t fight
I’m not forgetting, but distraction is a quality of mine
I remember everything
I’ve wrapped my heart in cellophane

Killing time, I’m just killing time.

They say, «let go and live again,
There are so many men»
They still don’t understand

They say, «maturity takes pain,
Lose and you will gain.»
But I have lost myself

I have lost myself.
Track Name: We'll Finally Feel The Same
Open me up like a book just when you feel like reading
Shake me when I’m fast asleep ’cause you’re needing
Pages to tear out and fill

The balance is gone
and i tell you what I feel like when you’re leaving
The place with only traces of your being
You freshly marked me with a new experience

I know it’s your right to move as freely as you can I even
Plea you do it without care for me then
Don’t be leaving notes behind

I am home now and I can feel that you are on the way to somewhere
And I bet you’re trying to ignore the cold stare
That I send to you

It’s a small step from golden cage to modern age I fly now
And I know my way ’cause the sun’s in the sky now
And I’m heading north

I’m heading north

If you stay then
I will get the chance to make the balance whole again
You’ll mimicry until you feel a hole within you and then

You and me will finally feel the same
Track Name: No Class
Everytime I enter the room
I’m always coming in too late or I come in to soon
Guess I’m in the wrong place
Guess I take too much space
Guess it’s not like you say that
“Were all human, and it shouldn’t be this way.”
And how can I take that?

You’re leaving, you’re leaving me out
You skip over me as if I wouldn’t know what it’s about
And I admit that I don’t
‘Cause you don’t want me to know
‘Cause you ignore me and you say that you don’t
And how can I?

How can I take that? Swallow it swallow it down
How does one make that? Keep smiling and don’t make a sound
I cannot stand the way you’re leaving me out
‘Cause this is out of style and this has got no class
This situation’s hard to manage and I can’t take anymore

No no no

Every aim to start a conversation new is senseless
And everything I do seems to be so completely out of this
My mouth is spitting question marks right into your face
And I wonder I wonder how do I make that?

You’re turning, you’re turning away
Giving me the feeling that I have nothing to say
And I admit that I don’t
‘Cause no one would want to know
‘Cause everything I say is leaving black holes
And how can I?

How can I take that? Swallow it swallow it down
How does one make that? Keep smiling and don’t make a sound
I cannot stand the way you’re leaving me out
‘Cause this is out of style and this has got no class
And I feel so discouraged
And my mouth no longer dares to ask
And my face is turning into a mask
And the mask it hasn’t got a mouth
Only two little holes to look out of
And the mask is muting all my shouts
‘Cause if I’d scream it would be much too loud
And I would bite I would be walking out on you

So I’m leaving, I’m leaving you out
If that’s the only way that I can do something about it
I’m turning, I’m turning away
Don’t need anybody to take my faith away

I’m leaving you out
Track Name: Waste
Don’t have time
I don’t feel like coming over
Those days are over
you don’t seem to mind
I try to find out as I roll over
And you sleep on

Sleep, sleep, sleep

Spent the night, I tell my dream
And when I’m done the talking’s over
My voice dies out
Give me a sign, relate a tiny thougt
I swear that I won’t keep you from sliding lower
You can slide lower

Go on, go on
I don’t, don’t mind
I try to care but I fail

I don’t have time to answer if you think that you can answer for me
I am to proud to care I’m not the one who’s asking anyway
Don’t have a mind for questions
If there’s nothing that you expect me to say
I don’t have time for this
Acting serious yet all we do is play

What are you longing for
What am I giving you instead?
I know it’s hard to name,
Communicate the codings in your head
Even if you try
There’s still the risk that I won’t understand

Is that what keeps you from trying?
Is that what keeps me from trying?
Is that what keeps us from trying?
Is that what keeps us from getting close?

I don’t, you don’t
We are not close
I try to care but I fail

I don’t have time to answer if you think that you can answer for me
I am to proud to care I’m not the one who’s asking anyway
Don’t have a mind for questions
If there’s nothing that you expect me to say
I don’t have time for this
Acting serious yet all we do is play
We act serious yet all we do is play

You make me feel like
I’m just the blood in the wonder of birth
I’m just a tear in the eye of a bird
I’m as present in your mind
As a pick in the ice in the summertime
I’m the ground you can only see when it’s low tide
And this is high tideYeah this is summertime
But i won’t wait for low tide

No I won’t wait for you
Track Name: The Third Change Back
Another time returning to the place you didn’t want to leave
Returning to the time when you just couldn’t leave
Returning to the state where you still thougt you’re free
I am returning there tonight and I will never leave
I am returning there tonight and I will never leave
I am returning there tonight

Closed my eyes and I was diving in truth
And then I fell asleep and I dreamed of you
All the things you only talk about you’d finally do
So much reality can never come true

Another time believing in the things in which I should believe
And feeling all the joy that I should always feel
I feel just like in trance because it’s all so real
And even if I leave I know that this won’t leave
Yes even if I leave I hope that this won’t leave
Even if I leave

Closed my eyes and I was diving in truth
And then I fell asleep and I dreamed of you
All the things you only talk about you’d finally do
So much reality can never come true

I will soon return to you and live like there has been no change
I will change back and this here will have been in vain
I might still hope that this time it is not the same
But it’s the third time not the first time and it’s been in vain
It is the third time not the first time and it is the same
It is the third time

Closed my eyes and I was diving in truth
And then I fell asleep and I dreamed of you
All the things you only talk about you’d finally do
So much reality can never come true

After I rose and then I thougt of myself
If you can’t, can I become someone else?
Is it in this place or all in my head?
Will I meet truth again when I go to bed?
Track Name: Not Important
The chain of importance is breaking
Turning into a spiral
The worm bites itself in it’s tail
The beginning of all denial
But I don’t deny anymore ’cause i’m no worm

My thoughts are still running in circles
But I’m just an onlooker (I don’t care)
I used to chase them like wild
Used to treat them like I was a hooker

But now I don’t chase them anymore
Not like before
No I no longer run
Don’t come up for each one
I don’t chase them anymore
‘Cause I’m no whore

The chain of importance has ended
Turned into a spiral
The gap in the fence has been mended
But I’m running wild
Track Name: Thanks To You
Don’t know what I’m supposed to do
Noticed how I feel about you
I know you know I know it’s you that I want
but don’t know what I’m supposed to do
No I don’t

Don’t need you by my side
As long as I still have your smile in mind
I do not fight for your attention
‘Cause the tension I must hide

Don’t need you being there
‘Cause this is not a love affair
It is a dream of mine
I realised it just in time
Before I threw myself away again

I back out just in time
I back out almost late
Got to say thanks to you
I’ve learned to hesitate
Not throwing myself away
And I say thank you

Don’t know what I’m supposed to think
You leave me here to be
Your little drama queen
I know you know I know that’s what I want to be
I know I know but you don’t know that it’s me you need

You don’t want me by your side
As long as I don’t put the crown away
You do not fight for my attention
Think you’ll have it anyway

Don’t need me being there
‘Cause this is not a love affair
It is a dream to me
To you it’s rather a nightmare

Was in the last three seconds
Thanks to god I reckoned
That we have no future
So now I act neutral

I back out just in time
I back out almost late
And I’m proud of myself
I made you hesitate
You almost threw yourself away
You almost gave yourself away

And I list all the possibilites
All the things that could have been in tears
Boy you missed out on everything
You doubted everything in fear

And you left without leaving anything
Without letting things begin
Boy you left without daring anything
Now there’s an unfamiliar stinging in my chest